Seems like as good a time as any.

Thursday night before easter, Nothing on the next day so it seemed like as good a time as any to get some automatic writing (Talking) done. Everyone else a sleep the house quiet… perfect.

Accept none of it was very automatic I constantly fell into bringing up ideas and words I had had previously (just the good bits of course) hardly non censored, hardly automatic, and of course those bits were no longer fresh or exciting,just contrived, forced awful. If only I had recorded them when they happened.

There were some random bits as well, but they never seemed to last. I just can’t seem to let go, speaking out loud is different to speaking it in you head, maybe its the mic. The whole speech thing goes of for hours. Most of it self referential, about how I hate words, thoughts are deeper than words, word are just inventions used to describe them, etc. I did like one bit about seeing a small boat on an ocean in the boat is a man, a man fishing for words, but catching only letters. A boat full of letters, but no words. I hate words…

Nice but after finding that, then each subsequent recording tried to bring that again.

Many recording later I did an exercise just saying the first word that came in to my head starting with each letter of the alphabet, that was fun and stopped me thinking for a while.

I finally gave up on the whole speech thing, maybe the trouble is years of censoring my self when speaking (although I manage to usually say the wrong thing, there is some very flawed editing going on) I still think ahead of my speech with plenty of time to steer the conversation.

I found a scrap piece of paper one of my kids had been cutting up, grabbed a pen and put down the mic.

Its was well after 3am the light were dimmed to practically off (I kept look at things) and I decided to just write something stupid (I think before I was trying to write something smart), just to let go.

Some time later I’m startled by my wife wondering what the hell I’m doing sitting in the dark and why don’t I come to bed.

I’m tired ,what am I doing? bed sounds good. I stumble off.

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